Breakups. We have all experienced them at one point or the other, (Unless you married your childhood sweetheart) whether it was a relationship or a divorce its still a breakup. Some more than the other. As for the emotions of disapointment, pain, rejection,tears,fears, the loss, the anger, the abandonment we have experienced them and there are not enough words to describe it all. Sometimes we forget that some relationships arent the 'happily ever after' kind of relationship we dream about. Actually there isnt a relationship in which you will both be living happy every day for the rest of your lives. True. If you accept it this way, things will be easier for you both.
Why am i writing on this topic? Well, because i have been through it once, twice and thrice and i have survived quite a few tragic heartaches and i just feel that once i share how i got through it maybe someone somewhere facing a similar situation will actually learn on how to get through it.
Some people cant just accept the fact that their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner is leaving them for one reason or the other. Its either they found another person who is more beautiful, richer, another man who is their 'dream guy', or you caught him cheating. Or maybe you drove them away with your nagging, raging or jealous antics. Its tragic to read horrifying stories in the newspapers of how a man would behead or stab his grilfriend just because she said she was leaving! Or how he would take it out on the in-coming boyfriend. Scary.
Why cant people graciously (yet painfully) accept this and move on? Especially when they know that through no fault of theirs their partner is leaving. Some relationships have to end for you to learn a lesson; for you to assess yourself; for you to walk some difficult path which you probably tried to avoid in the past. Maybe you just werent meant to be in that relationship in the first place.
If your heart is hurting due to a recent breakup, i am sorry you are hurting. If you are still hurting from last year or last 2 year's relationship which almost saw you in a hospital, i am sorry you are still hurting.
Its not easy. But you will get through it. You have to learn to MOVE ON! Move on, i say again!
AVOID CONTACTING HIM/HER
Often times when the breakup is still fresh, you will feel the urge to call them up just to hear their voice or *to pretend as if you are just checking on them (thats not completely true, you know you are trying to see if they have changed their minds)
I beg, dont go about disgracing yourself by calling them (they wont pick up), texting, grovelling, whatsapping, imessaging or showing up unexpectedly at on their front doorstep. You are embarrasing yourself! Have some integrity! The person wants to be alone or with someone else, you cant force them to change their minds. I was listening to Pastor Otabil during one of his Sunday services, when he touched on this subject. I think it was the year of
. He said, 'dont go crying and begging him to come back! Stop it. One day in some years to come, you will see Kofi and all you do and say is to raise your hands to God and say, 'Father, i thank you oh!' Because sometimes God takes you
out of a situation which you do not understand because you dont know the future and He does. So come some years later, you will be so thankful you didnt stay with that person who decided to 'show' you! Delete his/her number (hopefully you didnt memorize it, lol!) to prevent you from calling them. Delete old messages wherever you have stored them, from BB chats to Whatsapp messages. You will feel the urge to go back to those messages and reminisce on the good times and the sweet words you used to exchange. Trust me, that would make you want to pick up the phone and call them.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. Guys, please cry. The Akans will say, 'Barima nsu'(Men dont cry). Why did God give men tearducts then? Cry me a river please. Crying release so much stress from within.
You will lose nothing by crying. cry before sleeping even when you are angry and insulting them. Cry when telling your girlfriends how he could have done this to you. Ok, maybe guys dont cry to your buddies but you can do it in private
when locked up in your room. I have always felt better after a good cry. I feel much better. Crying isnt for weaklings. Even King David cried to God when he was about to lose his
illegitimate child. And Jesus wept. I beg, cry.
FORGIVE THEM FATHER, THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO
doesnt come easy especially when the innocent party knows they didnt do anything to warrant this abandonment. But why hold on to the anger and disappointment? You only give bitterness the chance to take root in your heart and as this grows it turns into purified hatred. This kind of hatred will force your hand into doing something destructive.Its just like its depicted in Nigerian and Ghanaian movies, the scorned woman lashes out in vengenance against the poor guy who is busy enjoying with his new love. If this was the same person you loved with all your heart, this same person you called, 'My honey bunny', 'the only mosquito in my net', etc then you should be able to forgive them as well.Easier said than done but its still doable.
What are the ways to forgive?
By prayer; ask God to forgive them
and tell God you forgive them for what they did to you. Dont pray asking God to punish them by death or some insufferable disease! God doesnt work like that. But He sees all and knows how to get vengenance. Forgiveness releases some peace within you and you will realise that as the days go by you will be feeling a sense of release and peace. Someone would say there are some acts that are just unforgivable! 'But she came and slept with him knowing that that was my boyfriend!' or 'He impregnated her and lied about it to my face', 'She stole my money and ran away'are just examples of scenarios where some say forgiveness is just too much for that person. One thing i have learnt is that i'd rather forgive that person and walk around feeling free than harbouring rage within myself which will most likely cause me to have high blood pressure everytime i see him/her.
A NEW YOU!
One thing i always told myself after a breakup was that, 'The next time this dude sees me, he will be kicking himself for letting me go'. Its easy to fall into depression, lose weight, start bad habits (smoking or drinking) etc which makes you look physically undesirable. Everyone will know you are either sick or suffering from 'brokenheart' or what i like to call 'b3h3'! Dont wallow in pity expecting people to be comforting you all the time, trust me they will get tired of your moaning and complaints. To get over the bad times, get up and shake yourself up. Stop eating the chocolates and ice-cream. You will get fat. Smoking will only give you body odour and make you too thin. Go shopping and buy that dress you have always wanted to wear but which he hated; start a new hobby which she thought was too childish but which you always wanted to try; start working out to reduce that potbelly; get involved with social clubs or start a blog! Improving yourself will definitely lift up your spirit and will soon start showing on your face attracting new and better people to you! You dont want to look the same or worse the next time your ex sees you, trust me. You want them to say,
'Wow! You look amazing!'
not 'Whew! Thank God i left that!' Boost your confidence level with a new you! You can also reflect on attitudes which you have which makes people withdraw from you and you can start working on them. Becoming a new you takes time and proactive effort, not by prayers alone! God lends a hand when He sees you are also ready to get started.
Life is too short to dwell in a rut of depression and disappointment. As Dr. Otabil said again, 'Your heart isnt broken! Its just your body going through the disappointment'. And i agree with him because the second someone new comes into your life its like your ex never even existed! Its not easy letting go, but trust me that when God is closing that door dont keep your foot in it! One day you will look back at those times and laugh over it with your friends!
Have you been through a recent breakup? How did you get through it? Please do share your experience and your breakthrough!