Is the Ghanaian shy to hold hands or is it lack of intimacy?

Two days of shooting a wedding in Cape Coast and I am knackered. Know the funny but annoying thing that happened during the wedding ceremony? I was trying to position myself to take the Wedding Kiss, when I felt a sharp knock on my bum! I turned in confused annoyance to find two women angrily telling me that I had blocked their view for the kiss. So where should I stand?  I found this funny because these are the same women who would insult or frown upon a couple kissing in public but are so eager to watch a wedding kiss.

I had the honors of meeting Rev Dr Sam Kisseaddo at a dinner last weekend. After we spoke a bit I bought one of his books Intimacy in Relationships and I found it interesting that the book touched on some marital and societal issues I have blogged about previously. By the time I got to chapter 5 I knew I had to share what I have read so far.

Have you ever tried hugging, kissing or holding the hands of your partner whilst walking in the streets of Accra and have someone hoot at you? Or a taxi driver hurl insults at you because you gave your boyfriend a peck on the cheek? I have. My crime was the holding of hands. So the Ghanaian culture frowns upon the public display of affection (PDA)doesn't it? Is it a taboo or just something we have grown accustomed to because we came to meet it as it is? No wonder so many relationships be it marriage or courtship lack intimacy. I don't mean sexual intimacy. Personally, i dont think there is anything wrong showing the world you care about your partner. This shouldnt be a hidden act. According to Rev Kisseadoo's book Intimacy is the close association to a person or family.I am not referring to a 15minutes French kiss in public or making out either, i would have you arrested for indecent exposure. 

Lack of intimacy is one of the common causes of divorces in Ghana. That's a simple truth. Every relationship needs intimacy and the lack of which leads to the slow emotional separation of the couple. 

Many Ghanaians grew up in a home where they never saw the parents hug, laugh together, talk and share things, eat together or even go to church together. Most of these parents divorced or just lived separate lives whilst still under one roof. 

Answer the following questions to determine your level of intimacy in your relationship.

·       Would you prefer spending long hours in the office than cuddling up to your spouse or fiancé at home?
·      Do you share your dreams and future plans together or you hide your financial plans from him or her?
·       Do you call your sweetheart to ask how their day is going or just to ask for chop money?
·      Do you make time to go out to dinner or holiday trips together or its always home-chow?
·      When was the last time you prayed together as a couple?
·      The last time your husband got promoted did you celebrate him or just smiled in thought just thinking of the money?
·       Does your partner know when you need him or her or is it all about you?
·       Does your partner know your sexual preference or do you just jump into bed and do whatever?
·       Do you encourage your partner when they are having a bad day or do you get upset because they aren’t giving you the attention you need?
·      Do you ‘chisel’ your partner with sex just because you aren’t getting what you want?

How did you score? You have marked yourself and now you know where you are on the intimacy scale. I hope you were more on the positives. My next blog post will look at how you can be more intimate in your relationship. Get more books from Dr Kisseadoo on Amazon. 

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